Advice: Unhappy with Everything in Life

"Unhappy with Everything in My Life"

Dear Counselor,
I am a fifteen year old sophomore. I have been raised Christian, but just really got into my relationship with God about 2- 3 years ago. My parents had a bad divorce when I was seven, and since then, my dad has not been there as a father should. So, now we have problems. That, however is not why I am writing.
See, over the past month or two, I have really been struggling to keep going, stay optimistic about my life, and continue a steadily growing relationship with the Lord. The reality is that I have been depressed for a while now. Sometimes I just start crying out of a deep sadness. In some of the worse times, I relied on God to pull me through, and He did; and I feel closer to Him because of it. I'll be in a really high and postitive mood for about a day or so, but then the depression sets in again. I took your depression inventory and I know I am not severely depressed, but I am truly unhappy with everything in my life. I can't help but to think that there must be something wrong in my relationship with God (even though I know better), or else why wouldn't he heal me completely?
I don't have any friends that I consider trustworthy enough to talk to about anything this personal, even though I'm surrounded by aquaintances who don't understand who I truly am. I feel that this couldn't possibly be what God has planned for me. I really need help. I know that this letter is very long, and it doesn't even state all of the issues. But I appreciate your time.
Thank You, *****Amy *****
"I believe in Christianity as I believe that the Sun has risen, not only because I see it but because, by it, I see everything else." - C.S. Lewis

Dear Amy,
Let me say that I am so glad you are a Christian and are holding onto to the Lord during this dark time in your life.
I wonder though why you are so depressed? There are so many causes... as you read in my articles about depression. It sounds to me like something is truly underlying this.. whether it is a loss of some kind, low self-esteem, abuse, an eating disorder, or even dealing with the reality of disappointments in your life and your parents divorce. May I suggest that you read my story God's Plan for Success in which I write about how I came to Christ and about how the divorce of my parents affected me. That was a crisis in my life but, it also was used by God to help me grow in my relationship with Him.
What will make the difference in your life, Amy? Maybe you could ask yourself... if my life were all of the sudden to be so much better... what would need to happen? Would you need to change something? Would others need to change something? Would God have to do something drastic to make it better? May I suggest that since it is difficult to count on other people changing... then, start with you and start with God. What is it about yourself that you want to change? Your appearance? Your status? Your social life? More money?
My bet is that none of those things would bring you happiness... but, a good dose of self-confidence would. I encourage you to begin to work on your self-esteem. Get the book The Search for Significance by Robert McGee and learn about the false beliefs you probably have which are holding you back and making you unhappy. Or order The Freedom from Depression Workbook by Les Carter, Frank Minirth or Learning to Tell Myself the Truth by William Backus.
People are usually unhappy because they are telling themselves that they are "not good enough", "don't measure up", "worthless", "damaged goods", "failures", etc. But, that is not how God looks at us.
You and I know that Jesus Christ loves us and has a wonderful plan for our lives. So, no matter what the circumstances are, He can change us from the inside out and give us a new perspective on life. Take a step towards Him and learning about how He can change your thinking and perspective.
Another recommendation I have is that you begin to build your friendships. You don't trust people and thus, everyone is an acquaintance... and so you feel isolated and disconnected. God made you to be part of His family and to be in close fellowship with other believers. Do you have a youth group in your church where you can get involved in some small groups and begin to make some closer friends? You need to take the risk to let others know you... you are not trusting people because of your parents divorce and your fear that others will abandon you like your Dad did. Because of that, you have no one to express your feelings to and thus, you stuff them inside and you become depressed. Once you are depressed ... you can't feel anything else... any good emotions. So, expressing yourself to others (a couple of friends, a relative) is important so that you can break the cycle of depression.
Won't you try to do some of the things which I have suggested above? And talk to your Mother about going to counseling. You can contact AACC for a referral to a counseling professional. If she can't afford it, then, maybe you can see a school counselor. Or talk with a leader in your youth group. Don't keep isolating because you will only feel worse. If you want to send me your address.. I will mail you an encouraging book.
Let me know how you are doing.
In Christ, Lynette Hoy, NCC, LCPC

Top of page

Do you have a question for the Lawyer? Get in touch by email at Contact Us Page

Do you have a question for the Counselor? Get in touch by email at http://www.counselcareconnection.org/services.asp

Notice: This advice column is not intended to take the place of direct professional mental health services but rather to provide insight into various problem situations and possible helpful resources and interventions. Please contact AACC for a referral to a professional in your area in the Christian Care Network