Dear Lynette:   Overall I do believe we have a good marriage and work hard at it or at least to the best of our abilities.  My husband makes many sacrifices to work nights so that he can be here for the kids to get off to school and  get home.  He also does most of the household tasks of washing clothes, general picking up, grocery shopping,  school errands, etc., as well as make dinner.  He sleeps approx 3 hr per eve and one hour in day and is chronically  tired and can be a BEAR.  I am a therapist and work days.  I make more money than my husband and finances are also a factor in which my husband works nights as well as we believe in being there for our children.  I have a chronic health condition that further complicates things however I work my but off from the time I come home with cleaning up the house, cuddling, overseeing school work, and kp duty after dinner.  I feel like we are both single parents that pass in the night and we often end up blowing up at each other.  My parents are great and often try to take the kids for respite for us for alone time but the weekdays are hard.  Do you have any suggestions?  I get very upset with how my husband acts out his anger verbally which is very harsh for our little ones and I resent it.  He has a hard time listening to feedback.  I am no princess either as I always seem to look at the one flaw or thing that didnt get done that I was truly counting on to get done..   We went away together this weekend and had a wonderful time thanks to some financial help from my folks.    Please feel free to be frank.  Am I expecting too much?  We have been together for 14 yrs total, 13 married and I plan to be here for the life time as I believe the same as my husband does.  We love our children, each other and believe in marriage and family.  Please advise.   
Sincerely, Marian  

Dear Marian:   Thanks for writing.  It seems that the main problem in your marriage is too much stress and then not enough time for your relationship.  It is very hard on a marriage when there is not enough time to be together, enjoy each other or communicate intimately and make decisions mutually.  Your husband isn't getting enough sleep which sounds like the basis for his irritablitiy, frustration and anger.  It could be that he is suffering from a chronic burn-out from lack of sleep and too much stress. 
You, on the other hand, have a health problem which compromises your ability to feel energetic and accomplish all the tasks you face daily. 
The great thing is that you both love each other, and your family and you still have wonderful times together. So how can you reprioritize your lives?   It seems that your financial needs keep you trapped in job situations which hinder your family and marriage and personal life.     
I'm certain you have discussed how to change this.  It would be ideal if your husband could find a day job and you could find someone to help with the children before and after school.  Maybe it would even be possible for you to cut back on your hours at work in order to help with the children before school.  These are ideas which may not seem possible, but I have known couples who have prayed about these same situations and have seen God open the doors for a new job, etc. 
Ask yourself, "what will our lives be like 5 or 10 years from now if we stay in the same job situations?"    "How will this affect us personally, as a married couple and how will it affect our children? "   
It seems like both you and your husband are feeling detrimental effects from this lifestyle now.   Will these effects escalate over the months and years ahead?    And your children must miss the security & attention you both could give them by being home together as a family in the evenings. 
What will your relationship with them be like in 5 years if this continues? God can certainly help you find options for living a less stressed-out life.   He can help meet your needs.   I encourage you to consider looking at options for change so you can begin to live a more normal family life. 
Jesus said in Matt 6:31-34: 
31 So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?'  For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them.  But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. (NIV) 
When people are stressed-out by work & family responsibilities, it takes the joy out of living.  You become human-doers instead of human-beings.  Your husband is probably dealing with low self-worth also because you have a higher paying job.  We as people need time to relax, and renew our souls. I talk about this in an faq on stress pasted here for you. 

Stress:   © copyright 1998 by Lynette J. Hoy, NCC, LCPC 
      Stress is one of our society's greatest dilemmas. We feel it every 
day...pressure, strain, tension, sometimes burn-out. What is it that 
causes stress? What makes it so prominent today? How can we get out from under it's heavy load? Stress is that feeling you experience when life is closing in on you with too many responsibilities, expectations, personal goals, changes, instabilities and life struggles. 
      Today more than anytime in history, we feel stressed-out. Why? Is it the proliferation of technology? Have we become human computers...with megabyte capacities and speed accelerations escalating out of control? 
      Maybe for this and other reasons we've lost our humanity. We've become human doers rather than human beings. Our souls have grown empty.  Our emotions have been blocked. Our relationships have deteriorated and our spirits have withered. We no longer have time to love or be loved. So how do we remedy the situation? How do we learn again to be human, learn to enjoy life? 
      I believe we need to put God back in the picture. We need to begin with God Who made us to be....in relationship with Him and others. Who gave us a hunger inside for Him and His purpose in our lives. We need God.  We long for God. We need God everyday. We are made to know God. We need Him to communicate with us and us with Him. We need to experience His love. We are not just computers...taking in information, processing it and spitting it out. We are people with souls, spirits, emotions, bodies and intellect. We are made in God's image. Pascal said, "There is a God-shaped vacuum in the heart of every man". When that vacuum stays empty we try filling it with sex, alcohol, work, success, pleasure, fortune, addictions only to be reminded that we are still empty.  
     We need God to fill our hearts and lives. We need His power for living. Jesus Christ said, "come to me all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest" in Matt. 11:28. Take time out to know God. Read your Bible. Seek His face. Read the gospel of John. Think about what Christ has done for you. Rejoice in your faith. If you are not sure whether you know Christ personally, ask Him to come into your heart, trust Him for forgiveness of sins and eternal life. He died for our sins and has risen from the dead! He said, "I am the resurrection and the life, he who believes in Me will live." John 11:25.   Check out this faq on faith to consider more about how  to know Christ personally  Then challenge yourself to drop out of some activities which are not serving God's purpose. Take time to connect with Christ and His family....in a solid Christian church. Take care of yourself by exercising, sleeping 7-8 hours at night and eating nutritiously. Examine your personal pace of life  and check out your stress level with this Stress Evaluation and Inventory. See what you might need to change. Simplify your life by starting to do and be what God made you to be. You will begin to feel more hopeful, more peaceful and encouraged as your soul and spirit are renewed. 

I hope this gives you food for thought.  Certainly, begin by praying fervently about it and go to your pastor for some spiritual guidance.  And maybe your husband needs some career guidance.  Usually, a local college can provide you with some career assistance and even some courses. 
I am very happy that you have a solid marriage.  But, marriage takes work and must be given priority for it to flourish.  
God bless you!       Lynette Hoy, NCC, LCPC