Dear Lynette
     I hope you can help me.  I have been married for many years and feel so along and depressed at times because my husband is hardly ever home.  He is only concerned with sexual satisfaction and doesn't spend time with me. He constantly yells at our son and he thinks his Dad doesn't care about us anymore. 
I met someone at work and he is giving me attention that I don't get at home.  I think about him quite ofter and I know that it would be a sin to be with him but I have needs that aren't being filled! The temptation is so strong I feel I can't resist it much longer.  I've thought about asking my husband for a divorce because I am so miserable.    Is there any hope?      Abandoned and Alone

Dear Abandoned and Alone:  
I encourage you to read this response I wrote to a similar question on an affair.  I believe that though your marriage is unhappy.... that you will not find real happiness in another relationship.  And actually you will experience more pain in your life if you become intimate with this man because you will be sinning against God, yourself and your family. 
I agree that this is spiritual warfare.  Satan wants you to question God because you are suffering and feel a deep need to get your longings met in a "relationship".  But once you start down that road..... you are separating yourself from the very One who can meet your deepest needs and longings.  God and only God can fulfill your needs.  If you were in a "happy" marriage.... you would still feel the need for something more because that is our human condition.  We are broken people and the world is a broken place and nothing in this life will ever fill the longings of our hearts.  Pascal wrote: "there is a God-shaped vacuum in the heart of every man".   St. Augustine wrote, "our hearts are restless until they find their rest in Thee."   So you may think that this "man" who makes you feel better will be the answer to your problems.... when instead of answering your problem of an unhappy marriage..... he will complicate and exacerbate your problems by disrupting your marriage even more and make the possibility of reconciliation with your husband even more remote and will cause you to drift away from God Who is the source of your spiritual well-being.  Other complications will result from becoming intimate with this man: you may and probably will fall into sexual sin which will create even more of a barrier with God and of course, you will feel terribly guilty- you are feeling guilty even now while you contemplate this sin.   You will then feel shame and try to hide the sin and deny that there is any problem.  This leads to a hardened conscience.  And of course as you continue to sin against God and yourself and your husband because you are involved in an affair..... you will have the constant worries of whether you will get pregnant or get an STD! 
It's not a pretty picture and it is hardly a way to build a strong, lasting relationship with someone... so why not turn away now from the flirtation with sin..... which is really flirting with danger. 
Work on yourself.  Your husband is being very self-centered and is probably ignorant of your feelings.  I would encourage you to get your needs met in your relationship with Jesus Christ.... read about faith and Jesus. He loves you and knows how to help you.  You can even grow personally through this and become the woman God wants you to be.  You can actually find strength through Christ in your weakness now and become a help to others who are struggling. 
Christians are not exempt from suffering. God wants to use this suffering in your life to bring about His purposes and change you into the person He has called you to be.  Read the article on suffering.
I hope that you will determine to get back to God and to serve Him wholeheartedly with your life.  When you do that and start forgiving and praying for your husband and you may even discover that he is noticing the change in your life and wanting it for himself. 
He may be tired of hearing your complaints and has withdrawn into his own world because he has given up on ever satisfying you.... Many books talk about this behavior in men when they no longer feel that they can please their wives.  (Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus by John Grey)
In 10 or 20 years from now, do you want to look back and say "I failed at keeping my vows to remain faithful to my husband; I let down my family and God and now I am divorced and I struggle with tremendous guilt and feelings of failure"...... or do you want to say, "when my husband and I were struggling, I remained faithful to him and to God and I tried to endure the suffering of an unhappy marriage with God's help, reaching out to hurting people along the way and growing spiritually and personally, praying for the salvation of my husband". 
You need to make the choice now.  Jesus said, "Come to me all you who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest." and "take up your cross and follow me".  Jesus knows the struggles and burdens you have and He can give you strength and even a sense of satisfaction to work out your salvation and life with His power working so mightily in you.    Col. 1:28-9 and Phil. 4:13. 
Please contact AACC for a referral to a mental health professional and ask your pastor to pray with you or pray with a Christian woman who is a mentor to you.    God bless you!
Lynette Hoy, NCC, LCPC
708-524-3333
http://www.counselcareconnection.org/services.asp

Ask your husband to attend a marriage retreat with you ike PREP's Fighting for Your Marriage.  Set up an appointment to talk and pray with a pastor.   Read more advice on adultery and on marriage on our web site..    I hope this will help you.   God bless you!    Lynette Hoy
I recommend reading the following books:
Torn Asunder: Recovering from Extramarital Affairs by Dave Carder 
The Search for Significance by Robert McGee  

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