Hello,

Well i am a 15 (almost 16) year old girl that is in love with a boy! i know im only 15 your askign why do you think your in love? well im going into the 10th grade next year and i met this guy whenever i started the 7th grade. we have gone out (daited) on and off all through jr. high and have gotten to be really close friends! i still really like him alot and i cant seem to move myself on to anyone else! i think about him all teh time, and i cant get him off my mind. we spend half of our time togehter anyway because we are best friends! Well, the problem comes b/c he recently asked some other girl out. this tore me into a million differnet peices!

i have tried talkin tomy friends about it but all they can say is that "ITS TIME FOR YOU TO MOVE ON" ! BLAH! no matter how hard i try, the feeling sthat i feel for this guy will not go away and i dont knwo what to do! he is still with this girl and told me that he still loves me but in a different way than he LIKES that other girl. he also told me that if things started getting wierd between me and him than he would break up with that other girl b/c our friendship meant more to him than anythign with any other girl! so in a way its kinda hard b/c i dont want to move on b/c im afraid of losing him, or missing out on that once chance that if he wants to come back then i would be with someone else then he woudl never think about gettign with me again! this guy means the world to me and i knwo im only 15 but if we werent meant to be toghete rin the near future then i dont think God would of made us as close as we are righ tnow! my mom tried to tell me " as soon as he relizes what he is missing out on then everythign will be alright" but what if im not here anymore! (even tho i dont think im going anyehre)

i try to make him and everyone else think that im doing ok on the outside and that him being with the other girl isnt bothering me! but noone really knows the huge amount of pain that im going through inside! ive gotten to where im really happy on the outside b/c if i showed what i really felton the inside i would be depressed and not happy and thats just not me! only one friend has told me that she has seen a differnece in my behavior... and my goal is not to let anyone know the pain i feel inside! but will you please help me so i wont have to lie anymore! i just cant handle it!!! But the reason i was writing, was b/c i just dont know what to do! im in no shape to move on b/c i just cant make myself! what is your advice on this topic? what do you think is the best thing for me to do? i really need your help! Thanx for listening to me! i really am looking foward to the e-mail back b/c i really need this advice! thank you once again. Your friend,  

Lynette J. Hoy wrote:  

Dear Friend,
You need to realize that relationships are fickle at your age. This boyfriend-friend really is trying to leave you hanging. You have to decide to let him go and get on with your life, because he wants the security of having you waiting in the background in case this new girlfriend doesn't work out.

What should you do to deal with this? Work on growing personally. First of all, teenagers need to developing their identity. You can't develop your identity if you are so caught up with someone else. The best way to grow personally is to discover who God is and what He wants for your life. Your Creator made you for a purpose and to know Him. Do you know Him? Discover a relationship with Jesus Christ who not only claimed to be God but, proved He was God.

Sure it's hard to end a relationship..... you will feel the loss and the pain. But, there are more important things in life..... as I said. And you need to find out what is more important than ending this relationship. Read some of the advice I give to Teens.

You are going through a crisis, but, you can learn to grow up through the crisis... to face it and move on. Read about loss and grief... You will need courage and determination to move on. Those character qualities are missing in our society. We want what we want and we want it now.

Life is tough. Life is hard.... but, people can get stronger in life's tough places. Will you be one of them? Or will you spend your life waiting around for this guy (or some other guy) at his beck and call? Read what I wrote to a woman whose spouse left her .
And seek God. He is the only One Who will really fill your deepest needs. You can find true life and fulfillment in Him.

Lynette Hoy, NCC, LCPC

Read some good books like: Answers to Tough Questions Skeptics Ask about the Christian Faith by Josh McDowell and Don Stewart  
Building Your Self-Image by Josh McDowell
Givers Takers and Other Kinds of Lovers by Josh McDowell, Paul Lewis (Contributor)
I Kissed Dating Goodbye by Joshua Harris
Please Don't Tell My Parents by Dawson McAlister 
Relationships : An Open and Honest Guide to Making Bad Relationships Better and Good Relationships Great
by Les Parrott, Leslie Parrott  
The Search for Significance by Robert McGee  
Teenage Q and A Book by Josh McDowell, Bill Jones (contributor) 
Codependent No More : How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself by Melody Beattie for some ideas on boundaries  

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