I am 14 years old and my parents are getting divorced.  I really can't believe it.  I think that if they really tried they could work things out.  Why don't they think about how my brother and I feel about this?  I am really angry that this is happening and wonder why God is letting this happen?  What can I do to get through this?  Is there any way I can talk them into working it out instead of going on with the divorce? 
Tammy

Dear Tammy:   Thank you for writing.  I know how you must feel because I was 12 when my parents got a divorce, also.  I had a lot of the same thoughts you are having.  I tried very hard and prayed fervently for my parents to reconcile.  But no matter how hard I prayed or what I said or did.... they went ahead and got the divorce.  One of the lessons that I learned was that even though my parents got a divorce,  it was not the end of the world for me...I could still go on with my life and with God. 
In fact, because of the realization of the shattering effects of my parents' divorce, I was able to discover and experience God more deeply in my life than ever before.  I didn't blame Him because I learned that people make their own choices in life outside of His will and biblical principles.  God doesn't force His will on anyone.  He wants people to choose Him and His will for their lives freely. He didn't make us robots.  He gave us a free will to choose to love Him, and to choose to live by His standards (in the Bible).

So, from my own life I write to you.  These are the things that I found most helpful as I experienced and worked through my parents' divorce:
That though my parents let me down and I felt my world falling apart... 
I could trust God to be faithful to me.  That is what I did.  I surrendered my life to Jesus Christ as my personal Lord and Savior at that time. 
It was still painful going through it, and I remember the lonely days, weeks and months when I wouldn't see or hear from my Dad.  You see, he stopped calling after awhile and then, when he no longer could pay child support, he didn't give us his address.  He said he was moving to out West for his health.  So we thought he moved out of state.  We found out later that he just moved to a western suburb. 
I loved my Dad even though he let me down.  I still loved him and forgave him.  He wasn't the best Dad.  He actually was abusive towards us kids when we were growing up.  But, I never stopped loving him or praying for him. I think that God gave me an understanding of the heart of man.. and gave me unconditional love for my Dad because I was experiencing His unconditional love everyday in my new relationship with Jesus Christ.  "For God so loved the world, that He gave His only Son, that whoever believes in Him would not perish but have everlasting life." John 3:16  The depth of love that God had for me and expressed in sending His Son, Jesus Christ, to die for me and my sins, gave me such a joy and sense of forgiveness towards my Dad that all I wanted was for him to know Christ and the power of a personal relationship with Him.  I was able to love my Dad because I understood he was not a Christian.  How could I expect him to act any differently until he turned his life over to Christ.
Read my article on faith so you can understand and decide whether you want to know God personally.  It will radically change your life and your perspective.  God can bring the stability and security you are longing for in your life.  He will be the faithful, loving, heavenly parent you need to help you in this life and beyond!

You are going through a lot of pain right now and beginning to grieve.  That is O.K.  Let God help you.  Read my articles on grief and Life After Loss. 
The following is an excerpt from the article on Life After Loss:
 
"Here are God’s promises to you:

•  God has plans for you..."I know the plans I have for you"  Jere 29:11
• God will strengthen you..    "Why do you say, O Jacob, and complain, O Israel, "My way is hidden from the LORD; my cause is disregarded by my God"?  Do you not know? Have you not heard? The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and  His understanding no one can fathom.  He gives strength to the weary and  increases the power of the weak.    Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall;  but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint."          Isa 40:27-31
• God will help you persevere and mature..  "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance.  Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. James 1:2-4 (NIV)

 Accepting our Loss:  Finding Life in Christ helps us to accept our losses & live with them knowing there is more to life in light of eternity:   Augustine wrote: “You have made us for Yourself and our hearts are restless until they find rest in You.”

Then Jesus declared, "I am the bread of life. He who comes to me will never go hungry, and he who believes in me will never be thirsty."  John 6:35 (NIV)

"I have learned to be content in everything....." "I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who
gives me  strength."   Phil 4:11-13 (N(V)

 Christ can help us to be willing to accept our losses, let go & go on."

Look up some of these resources: Helplines ; Hotlines ; Support Groups  ;  Teens Resources
I also encourage you to go to professional counseling. For a referral to a Christian Counselor or mental health services in your area please contact the American Association of Christian Counselors. And see your pastor so he can be made aware of your situation.  He will pray and give you some spiritual guidance. Find a confidante, someone you can trust to share your feelings with.  That might be an Aunt or Uncle or yourh leader in your church.  Use this time to get to know God like never before.  Read the Psalms: chapters 34, 37, 46, 121, 139, 145. Read through one of the gospels to learn about Jesus' life, His promises and unchanging character.  Read John chapters 10, 13, 14-17; Romans 8; Colossians 2 and 3; the whole book of 1 Thessalonians.  Read Pastor Ray's books: Keep Believing and The Road Best Traveled found on our Resources  page. 
And please write again. 
God bless you! Lynette J. Hoy, NCC, LCPC