Dear Counselor: If you could offer me any advice on how to conquer sexual addiction, I would be most grateful.  I am on medication.
I am seeing a psychologist & psychiatrist....I still can't stop.
I have almost been arrested..I still can't stop.  I am going to die if I don't stop soon.
Please Help... Signed: Hopeless and Helpless

Dear Friend: 
In order to stop a sexual addiction or any kind of addiction.. the first thing you need to do is turn to God for help and surrender yourself to Him.  Surely, you also need counseling and a 12-step recovery group.
Are you a homosexual?  You can contact Exodus to get help to overcome homosexuality at:  1-888-264-0877 or Homosexuals Anonymous .  Or you can contact Overcomers Outreach to get help for sexual addictions at 1-800-310-3001; 1-714-491-3000;  1-601- 844-5128;  Email: mailto:outreach@casr.org or contact another organization named Cosa.
Believe me.... many people have overcome sexual addictions.  You can too!  No one is hopeless and helpless!  No one is beyond God's help!
Yes, you are struggling with an addictive behavior pattern but also you are dealing with several unresolved issues which are causing you pain and so you continue in your addiction in order to avoid dealing with the real issues.  Perhaps you have been a victim of abuse yourself and you may suffer from low self-esteem. You probably have felt far from God and feel a spiritual emptiness. Pascal wrote: "there is a God-shaped vacuum in the heart of every man".   You are looking to fill the emptiness you sense within but this addictive behavior never satisfies you.... instead it will destroy you as you stated in your email.    You may have experienced many losses and hurtful experiences in the past which are difficult to face and work through and because of this and many other reasons you suffer from depression.
You have difficulty relating to people and look for relationship fulfillment through sexual activity but instead you end up feeling guilty, hopeless and depressed.
I implore you to get help.  You do need counseling and a support group.  I recommend that you try contacting a professional Christian counselor for further consultation. Please contact AACC for a referral to a professional in your area.
You also need to attend a good Bible church so you can learn more about Jesus Christ and how He can help you overcome this lifestyle. Begin reading the gospel of John in the New Testament in order to learn more about Jesus and how He can help you.  Ask Him to reveal Himself to you as you read it.  He is ready to forgive you and change your life.
Jesus said in the following scriptures:
Luke 15:7  I tell you that in the same way there will be more rejoicing in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who do not need to repent.
Matt 9:10-13 "While Jesus was having dinner at Matthew's house, many tax collectors and "sinners" came and ate with him and his disciples. When the Pharisees saw this, they asked his disciples, "Why does your teacher eat with tax collectors and 'sinners'?"
On hearing this, Jesus said, "It is not the healthy who need a
doctor, but the sick.  But go and learn what this means: 'I desire mercy, not sacrifice.'  For I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners."
John 3:16, "For God so loved the world that He gave His only Son.... that whoever believes in Him will have eternal life."
John 10:10 Jesus said, "I have come to give you life and to give it more abundantly."
John 14:6  Jesus said, "I am the way, the truth and the life.  No man comes to the Father but by me."
St. Paul wrote in these scriptures:
Romans 5:8 "But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us."
1 Timothy 1:15 "Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners-- of whom I am the worst."
As you can see from these passages... Jesus welcomes sinners and asks them/you to come to Him for forgiveness and cleansing and relationship.  St. Paul, one of the writers of the New Testament, an apostle of Christ, called himself the "worst of all sinners".  He actually helped to kill Christians before He turned his life over to Christ himself.  You can come to Christ today !  He will change your life as He did St. Paul's!  Read the article on How You can Know God Personally. 
And read the Bible ... if you do not have one- I will be happy to mail one to you.... just send me your mailing address.

Read more on the underlying issues and interventions for sexual addictions and here are some resources for:
Sexual addiction:
  Christians for Sexual Integrity: serving individuals and families impacted by sexual brokenness.
  OASISS (Offering A Sanctuary for those Injured by Sexual Shame), offers Helpand Hope to sex addicts and their families. Email: webmaster@helpandhope.org Hotline: 888-HELPHOPE  toll-free, day or night.
 Overcomers Outreach, Inc: 1-800-310-3001; 1-714-491-3000, Anaheim, CA
 Pure Intimacy: addressing online sexual temptation. A Focus on the Family resource.

Homosexual Recovery:
  Exodus International: 1-888-264-0877
  Homosexuals Anonymous
  Transformed by Grace PO Box 6237, Evanston IL 60204-6237, 847/733-0511
Then read the articles on self-esteem and guilt and how Christians can deal with guilt to understand how God can help you overcome the issues which are underlying this self-destructive activity. 
Check out Willowcreek's site for a referral to a church near you and to contact a pastor you can pray with as well.
I have many other articles and an advice column which can help you understand and work through some of the issues you are struggling with. 
Check back soon at hoyweb.com and you will find a search
engine to help you locate articles, news, advice and resources for most topics in the legal and/or counseling field.  Also, you will be able to subscribe to our email newsletter as well.
We also have many recommended books on our resources page which you can order for the issues you are struggling with and recommended hotlines, helplines and support groups

I hope this is helpful for you.  Please let me know how you are doing.
Lynette Hoy, NCC, LCPC
1100 Lake Street; Suite 245
Oak Park, Illinois 60301
708-524-3333

There is a man, married with small children, and in his late twenties who is troubled by multiple sexual temptations and activities. What solutions are there for him and his family???  Is this "sexual addiction" ???  What is the cause? and What is the cure??

- Anna 

Lynette J. Hoy wrote: 

Dear Anna,

Thank you for writing. Obviously, there are no easy answers for sexual addiction. I would say that underneath the drive and lust is a deep thirst.  A seemingly unquenchable thirst for something to satisfy, something to take away pain, something to bring excitement.  That might not make sense, but in any addiction there is emotional pain that needs numbing, a psychological and physiological need for a high, and a deep spiritual thirst for answers to life and relationship with God. People look for answers to life in all the wrong places. I have. You probably have. 

Two books I would suggest on this topic are: 
An Affair of the Mind: One Woman's Battle to Salvage Her Family from the Devastation of Pornography by Laurie Hall and 
Love Must be Tough: Proven Hope for Families in Crisis by James Dobson.

In the Bible, Jeremiah 2:13 God says, "My people have committed two sins: they have turned from Me the living water and dug their own cisterns, broken cisterns that can hold no water."  Who quenches the deep thirst for something satisfying in life?  Only God.  People try to fill that thirst with everything but God and they dig trenches, bigger, longer and wider, trying the same things that don't work, don't quench their thirst. Jesus said in John 6:35 "I am the bread of life. He who comes to me will never go hungry, and he who believes in me will never be thirsty."(NIV) and in John 6:51 "I am the living bread that came down from heaven. If anyone eats of this bread, he will live    forever. This bread is my flesh, which I will give for the life of the world."(NIV) So people fall into a trap and the get hooked physically in addictions or some sin and  the temptation gets greater psychologically.  They need supernatural help to escape. They need to begin with God.

When a person trusts Christ as their Lord and Savior, He says in John 8:36 "if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed." (NIV) and in  John 10:10 "I have come to give you life and give it more abundantly." Jesus sets people free and answers the pain in their lives....where am I going when I die and what am I here for on this earth?  He also gives power to overcome the temptations and the addiction when a person surrenders his or her life to Him. People need spiritual change from the inside out.

Other resources can be found in our web site.  Look for more help through 12-steps support groups and counseling in your location. A therapist can help the family members approach the person by using a "family intervention". Please contact AACC for a referral to a professional in your area.
But nothing takes the place of fervent prayer for this man's spiritual condition. I hope this is helpful for you.

God bless you! 

Lynette Hoy, NCC, LCPC

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