Hello.    He has had only one sexual affair that I am aware of, but it would not surprise me to find that there have been others.  We received counseling after it and things seemed to work out for several years , even though at that time the counselor was doubtful and seemed to encourage us to separate.  He has had secret contact with several women  that I have found out about.  He claims this was through the telephone, and that he was just helping them out with some problems they were having, etc.  One of these contacts lasted years (and may well be going on now), and recently one with an old girlfriend that lasted several months. 
He is a good provider, and is warm and affectionate with our ten year old son and myself.    He claims he is happy in our marriage and that these other women are just friends.  He does not attend church with my son and me, and has  had some childhood experiences of sexual abuse.  My son has no idea that his father and I are having problems.  The last few years when something occurrs, I find myself unable to even think about it - I just become numb to any emotion.  My life is very busy with working and keeping things at home going.  When I am alone and have time to reflect I become very sad and somewhat depressed.  I don't know if I should hang in and protect my son's well being, or if I should risk turning his world upside down and jepardizing our financial security.  I feel confused and alone.  I hated the experience of telling someone else of about my life(but here and I am doing this) and do not talk to anyone else about my feelings.  I have prayed a lot, and I feel 
that I have to live with the choices I have made, for example getting 
pregnant after I knew my husband had been unfaithful, and that my son should be my first priority, and that his happiness should be paramount.  He is a wonderful boy who does great in school, has lots of friends, and has recently joined the church.

 Dear Friend:   I know that you are devastated by your husband's affairs.  And now that you have found out he is seeing someone or has been seeing several women for a long period of time, I think
that you know the marriage is over.  You are staying because of financial security and maybe you still love him.   I guess my question to you is this.....   How can you stay in a marriage where there is
everything but security.....  there is unfaithfulness, the threat of contracting an STD, Aids, etc., no trust, no honesty, and the threat that at anytime he might leave you for one of these other women. 
You are just fooling yourself by saying that you have financial security.   As long as he continues and even if he promises to stop seeing other women, you will wonder if he is being truthful. 
I encourage you to begin to talk with your pastor, a Christian counselor (Please contact AACC for a referral to a professional in your area.) and find a Divorce Care support group in your area. I am sorry to be so forthright with you.  But you need to look reality in the face since this man has been unfaithful and untruthful with you for so long.  You will never be able to trust him. Marriage is built on trust and truthfulness in order for the spouses to maintain intimacy and to build a future together. 
Begin to do something to help yourself Don't be a victim. God will and can help you. And other people and resources will give you support and guidance.  You can email: Contact Us Page for advice or http://www.divorcenet.com  for legal questions/referrals or look up "legal aid" in your phone book in order to get an attorney.  Also, I would advise you to start going back to school so you can get
some basic education in case you haven't finished your high scool education or G.E.D. Then you will be able to get a job more easily.
If you don't go to church, find a good solid Bible church which teaches that Jesus Christ is Savior and Lord and the Bible is the Word of God.
Look for a local DivorceCare support group in a church nearby. You need to start taking care of yourself.  This man is not keeping his vows to you and therefore is not acting in accordance with God's design for marriage- fidelity and committment to one mate for a lifetime.  He is an adulterer and fornicator.
A great book I would recommentd you order right now is: When the Vow Breaks: A Survival and Recovery Guide for Christians Facing Divorceby Joseph Warren Kniskern  or see our resources page for other suggestions. 
Let me know how you do.  You also should see a counselor in your area.  Please contact AACC for a referral to a professional in your area.          Lynette Hoy, NCC, LCPC   

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