Dear Lynette:
    I am a stay at home mom with two school age children.  My son is ADD so that adds some stress to our life.  My husband and I have been married 19  years in March of this year.
    After I had my daughter who is 7 now I have had a lot of sinus pain and  pressure and colds where it runs me down and I have no energy.  It causes me  not to be able to keep the house the way I would like because of it.  I have  asked my husband to help when he gets home but it seems like a fight from him.
 He tells me that he should not have to come home and deal with the house and  kids even when I don't feel good.  He seems to resent it that I am not feeling  good and gets angry at me and God because he doesn't understand why I am sick  a lot.  Maybe I am expecting to much from him I don't know?  He says if he  does the dishes I should appreciate it and not complain about the rest of the  kitchen being cleaned.  He feels it is my job and that I should do it without  complaining or griping no matter how I feel.  Then I get mad at him and start  yelling because I need the help.  I don't know if I am wrong to ask for the  help during the week when I don't feel good or not?  And what should be  expected on both our parts?  I am trying to get my energy and health back on track but it takes time I know I just wish he understood that a little more. 
 Thanks for your advice 

Dear Friend:
 I know it must be very discouraging to feel sick all the time and run-down.  On the other hand, your husband must be feeling overwhelmed working full-time and coming home to kids who need his attention and extra work because you are unable to function at your normal level.
The first thing I would recommend is that you get to a physician that can help you.  Apparently, you are not receiving adequate health attention.  You may need an allergist and an ear, nose and throat specialist.

Next, I would encourage you to look at how to improve your nutrition, intake of vitamins and increase exercise....all of which will boost your immune system.

I, also, encourage people to take a good look at their relationship with God. Whenever we have problems we need God's help and guidance.  I don't know what kind of religious background you are coming from, but maybe you feel far from God or don't know if you are accepted by Him.  I have written some articles on faith  that you may find helpful in your spiritual journey.  God can help you, give you wisdom, hope, guidance and strength to face the struggles you are having physically and in your home.

Also, reprioritizing your life is important.  What activities can you cut down on that aren't absolutely necessary and take a lot of your energy?  It seems like taking care of yourself and your family are the most important goals for you now.  Read my article on handling stress .

ADHD: You may need to get further guidance on how to handle your ADD son.  A child like this takes more time and energy to care for.   You and your husband may need further understanding in how to discipline him together.  Check out this article on Is ADHD a Medical Problem? and web site:  ADHD of the Christian Kind (Resources & information) 
To quote an article found on Dr. Koop's site "Scientific studies, using advanced neuroimaging techniques of brain structure and function, show that the brains of children with ADHD are different from those of other children. These children handle neurotransmitters (including dopamine, serotonin, and adrenalin) differently from their peers.
ADHD is often genetic. Whatever the specific cause may be, it seems to be set in motion very early in life as the brain is developing. Other problems, such as depression, sleep deprivation, specific learning disabilities, tic disorders, and oppositional/aggressive behavior problems, may be confused with or appear along with ADHD. Every child suspected of having ADHD deserves a careful evaluation to sort out exactly what is contributing to his concerning behaviors.."

The medical field does not believe that poor parenting causes ADHD, but that it can complicate the course of ADHD and thus there is a need for consistent discipline in the child's life just as in the average child's life. 
Since I am a professional counselor and a registered nurse as well, I believe that many mental health disorders and behavioral syndromes have a physiological cause as well as circumstantial, spiritual and psychological causes. 
Seek counseling and support for this disorder which is disrupting your child's life and your home.

Next I would ask you to consider how you can begin trying harder to accept what your husband is able to do in helping you and thanking him for it.  Your marriage is important and you want to build your relationship rather than continue in conflict and negativity.  Then, try to get rest when he is not at home so you have more energy when he is at home and you can work more as a team.  He may be very discouraged about your complaining when you are feeling poorly because he is fatigued from his own responsibilities.

Next look at your life to see how you can get revitalized.   Do you have some activities which inspire you such as going to church, or being involved in a support group or doing something which is meaningful or creative?   Reading your Bible will inspire you.  Start by reading the New Testament Gospels.   Getting closer to God through prayer and fellowship in a local, healthy church which teaches the Bible and that Jesus Christ is Lord and Savior will revitalize your life!  Jesus said, "I have come that you might have life and have it more abundantly." John 10:10  Growing in a relationship with Him will bring new hope, energy and perspective into your life.

Also, maybe this physical problem has caused you to feel mildly depressed and you need to see a counselor.  Please contact AACC for a referral to a counseling professional in your area. 
I hope this is helpful to you.  Check out my article on depression .

God bless you!   Lynette Hoy, NCC, LCPC