Question: I have suffered deeply since I was born I was sexually abused and neglected by my mom and dad. Later I got married and was raped by my husband and his friends which resulted in me having a termination. I am now left with anger in all aspects of my life. I am 21 years of age working in a school as a teaching assistant. I can no longer cope with life. I have been suffering from depression for three years .My life seems to have nothing good about it. Please help me.
Signed, Troubled

Answer:
Dear Friend,
Certainly, you are living with great emotional trauma after being raped and having an abortion. I am very saddened to read about your circumstances and the great injustice and violation you have endured.
First you need to protect yourself from further harm and bring charges against the perpetrators. I encourage you to report the rapes to the police even if some time has passed since the incident. I also implore you to go to a domestic violence agency for support and counseling in your area. Here is the site and number of the USA National Domestic Violence agency: 1-800-799-7233 (safe) and international agencies and hotlines: . You need to find support and counseling to work through the grief and loss you have suffered from the sexual abuse and abortion.
What happens when someone is raped and sexually abused? The person reacts with a grief and trauma response which can include Post Traumatic Stress symptoms.... nightmares, anxiety, sleeplessness, etc. With this reaction comes fear, flashbacks, nightmares, emotional numbing, avoidance of any reminders of the traumatic event, depression, withdrawal and isolation, sadness and anger. You need to express and explore these emotions and the reaction you are experiencing. Counseling and support groups can help you work through this. Call a pregnancy center to find a post-abortion support group for working through the grief which results from an abortion. They may also provide counseling for rape situations. You need to contact an agency (domestic violence) so they can be an advocate for you in this situation. Read more about sexual abuse.
How can you process the anger which has consumed your life? Anger is normal in this situation and your anger needs to be expressed in a healthy way. This is a terribly unjust crime you have suffered and you have a right to be angry. You can't walk away from something like this and not take action to protect yourself and others from further harm. Thus, the perpetrators must be held accountable to the law for their actions. This will take assertiveness. You need support and encouragement to become assertiveness, to bring your case to justice, to protect yourself in the future. Read about assertiveness and anger . Once you begin to process what has happened, to explore the damage, get affirmation, validation and support, you will realize that you are not alone. You will realize that you can go on with your life.
What has happened to you does not change who you are. You are not "damaged goods". The shame which you feel from the crimes committed against you are not your fault and should not impact your self-worth. You are loved and valued highly by God and He wants a relationship with you. Consider how He can help you discover supernatural strength, courage and wisdom to proceed through life and move past the loss and pain.
You may also need to talk with your physician about getting an antidepressant to alleviate the hopelessness you are feeling now. Consider reading Putting Your Past Behind You: Finding Hope for Life's Deepest Hurts  or The Freedom From Depression Workbook or What's Good About Anger? a book which helps you turn your anger into assertiveness and problem-solving or Anchor for the Soul: Help for the Present, Hope for the Future. Order the online course: Stop the Victim Syndrome.
Obtaining counseling, support and protection will help you move forward towards healing and recovery. I pray that you will become stronger in spite of the brokenness you have suffered. God bless you! Lynette Hoy, NCC, LCPC

Lynette J. Hoy, is a contributing writer for the Godly Business Woman magazine, Christian Women Today, and Women Today Magazine. She is a Marriage and Family counselor with CounselCare Connection, P.C., speaker, author.

Read about and order her newly released book, What's Good About Anger? . and other resources for personal and relationship growth. See: Anger Management programs and courses. Lynette regularly presents seminars on: assertiveness, "What's Good About Anger?", stress management, Prep's "Fighting for Your Marriage", grief and divorce recovery. Contact Lynette at: http://www.counselcareconnection.org/services.asp or at 708.524.3333."