FAQ's - Working through Loss

"Working Through Loss"
© copyright 1999 by Lynette J. Hoy, NCC, LCPC

My Mother and son both passed away less than 2 years ago. I am having a really hard time. I am a born again Christian. But I just can't get back to where I was with the Lord. Can you help me?

Dear Friend, Obviously, anything I can say to you now will sound trite and empty. You have been through and are going through 2 very major losses. I would like to encourage you to go to counseling for yourself because you need to learn to grieve your losses, go on with your life and get support. I have many articles on my site which may help you as you grieve and work through these losses.
I believe that God is sovereign even when life is falling apart around you. He did not say that Christians will not suffer.... instead He told us HOW to suffer when we encounter trials of various kinds:
James 1:2-4 reads:
Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance.
Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. NIV)
Jesus modeled how to suffer when He grieved over the suffering and death he encountered in the world:
The account of the death of Lazarus in John 11:32-36 reads:
When Mary reached the place where Jesus was and saw him, she fell at his feet and said, "Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died." When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who had come along with her also weeping, he was deeply moved in spirit and troubled.
"Where have you laid him?" he asked. "Come and see, Lord," they replied.
Jesus wept.
Then the Jews said, "See how he loved him!" (NIV)

Draw close to the only One who can really comfort your soul right now. Stay close to Jesus even when you feel doubts and question Him. Who can understand why your mother and son died? Who can explain it and if there was an explanation..... you would still grieve and feel the losses that you feel.
Get the support you need now... through a small women's Bible study and/or prayer group and pastoral guidance. Attend a GriefShare support group nearby.
Get on with your life as you grieve... read about grief, suffering, and grief recovery. Read about the answer to life's problems in the article Consider Jesus.

May I recommend that you try contacting a professional counselor in your area by looking up a counselor at the American Association of Christian Counselors . Check out Willowcreek's site for a referral to a church near you and to contact a pastor if you need to so you can pray with him/her.
I have many faq articles and an advice column which can help you understand and work through some of the issues you are struggling with.

May Jesus Christ Who suffered and knows what you are going through provide you with comfort and encouragement and hope each day ahead.
Eph 3:14-21
14 For this reason I kneel before the Father,
15 from whom his whole family in heaven and on earth derives its name.
16 I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being,
17 so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love,
18 may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ,
19 and to know this love that surpasses knowledge-- that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.
20 Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us,
21 to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen. (NIV)

We also have many recommended books on our resources page for the issues you are struggling with such as: Keep Believing: God in the Midst of Our Deepest Struggles by Ray Pritchard $10.39
or Recovering from the Losses of Life by H. Norman Wright $7.99. Norman Wright & his wife suffered the death of a child as well.

I hope this is helpful for you. Please let me know how you are doing.
Lynette Hoy, NCC, LCPC
1100 Lake Street; Suite 245
Oak Park, Illinois 60301
708-524-3333

If you need to talk with a counselor contact AACC for a referral to a counseling professional in your area. See our hotlines page for more resources. Or write to Lynette Hoy at http://www.counselcareconnection.org/services.asp

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I recommend reading the following books found in our Resources page:What a Christian Believes; An Easy to Read Guide to Understanding by Ray Pritchard $7.99 Keep Believing: God in the Midst of Our Deepest Struggles by Ray Pritchard   $9.59
Putting Your Past Behind You: Finding Hope for Life's Deepest Hurts by Erwin Lutzer   $9.59
Forgive and Forget: Healing the Hurts We Don't Deserve by Lewis Smedes   $9.60
Disappointment with God by Phillip Yancey $4.79
Recovering from the Losses of Life by H. Norman Wright $7.99

Do you know Jesus Christ as your personal Lord and Savior?   When we place our trust in Jesus Christ asking Him for forgiveness of our sins and eternal life... He promises to give these spiritual gifts to us. That is when you will truly be able to have the supernatural power to go on with your life. And when we experience God's forgiveness in Christ, then we are able to forgive others.   Rom. 6:23 says: "The wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord."   That means that everyone of us will suffer eternal death and separation from God because of the sin in our lives (which we not only do but have inherited) unless we place our trust in Jesus Christ as our Lord and Savior we receive the GIFT of eternal life. We don't have to DO anything to receive a gift...just take it!   Our sins are then totally forgiven. Jesus died on the cross to pay the penalty for the sins of the whole world. But we have to trust in Him.
Alternative religious views have saviors who remain in the grave. No other system offers everlasting life as a gift to those who follow their leaders. None of those leaders has overcome death. No other system offers assurance of forgiveness, eternal life, and adoption into the family of God.
Jesus Christ offers you salvation because He died for your sins and rose from the dead. You can call on God and trust in His Son in the same way a drowning person calls for help and relies on the rescue of a lifeguard. Romans 10:9 says: "That if you confess with your mouth,
"Jesus is Lord," and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved".(NIV)
   The salvation Christ offers does not depend on what we have done for Him, but on our acceptance in who He is and what He has done for us. Instead of moral and religious effort, this salvation requires a helpless admission of our sins. Instead of personal accomplishments, it requires
confession of failure to meet God's standard of holiness. Unlike all other belief systems, Christ asks us to trust solely in Him and His work on the cross and to commit our lives to Him--not to merit salvation but as an expression of gratitude, love, and confidence in the One who has saved
us solely by grace (the unmerited favor of God). Eph 2:8-9 says: "For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith-- and this not from   yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast".(NIV) Rom 6:23 says: "For the wages of sin is death, but the gift ofGod is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord."(NIV)
      Won't you consider asking Christ into your life today. Just pray simply:
                   Dear Lord Jesus, I know that I am a sinner in need of forgiveness. I turn my life over to you because I believe that You died for my sins and You are the only way to heaven and to have peace with God. You are the only One who can save and forgive me. Please cleanse me of my sins, come into my life and change me today. In Jesus' Name I ask this. Amen
In Matt 28:20 Jesus says this: "And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age." (NIV)
I Jn 5:20 says: "We know also that the Son of God has come and has given us understanding, so that we may know him who is true. And we are in him who is true-- even in his Son Jesus Christ. He is the true God and eternal life."(NIV)
                   If you have just placed your trust in Jesus Christ, you are now a Christian on your way to heaven and nothing can separate you from the love of Christ. You are starting a brand new life. 2 Corinthians 5:17 says it this   way, "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he/she is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!". Your sins have been paid for. Your slate has been wiped clean. Jesus said in John 10:10, "I have come that they might have life and have it more abundantly." He was saying that you will discover that your present life is more meaningful and hopeful now that you have a relationship with the God of the universe.
                   To grow in your new relationship with Christ, attend a solid Bible teaching church to learn more and to fellowship with God's family. You can contact the WillowCreek Association for a recommendation to a church near you. Read your Bible and pray everyday. Start by reading the gospel of John in the New Testament.
If you have prayed this prayer please email: http://www.counselcareconnection.org/services.asp and include your address. You will receive the free book: What a Christian Believes; An Easy to Read Guide to Understanding by Pastor Ray Pritchard. God bless you!
                   Some other books I recommend are: (you can order them on our resources page): Answers to Tough Questions Skeptics Ask about the Christian Faith by Josh McDowell and Don Stewart   $4.79 or How You Can be Sure You will Spend Eternity with God by Erwin Lutzer $7.19
© copyright 1998 by Lynette J. Hoy, NCC, LCPC

Check out our Resources page for more recommendations on books.
May you discover God more deeply through the trials yoou have sufferedi! Lynette Hoy, NCC, LCPC

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Notice: This column is not intended to take the place of direct professional mental health services but rather to provide insight into various problem situations and possible helpful resources and interventions. Please contact AACC for a referral to a mental health professional.

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call: (708) 524-3333.