As couples walk down the aisle together they might not say this out loud, but they're probably thinking it "If it doesn't work out, I can always get a Divorce....". Yes, 50-60% of newly-weds today will experience divorce because they finally acted on this subtle thought. What has happened? Why do people rush to the altar only to end up in court years later? What kind of life can they expect after it's all over? Shouldn't they reconsider? The answers to these questions aren't easy. Some researchers say that "growing apart," "not feeling loved & appreciated," "sexual problems" and "finances" are the top reasons for divorce. 

The Bible is pretty clear about what God says are reasons for divorce and that God hates divorce. Yes, there are biblical reasons for divorce. But our culture says that you don't need a reason. It's nobody's fault, so go ahead and get a divorce. After all, it didn't work out.

Maybe we as Christians have lost the commitment to work on the difficulties and challenges of marriage. Endurance, perseverance, courage and hard work get exchanged for citations, petitions, broken hearts and child support. And how does it all end up? Lives are shattered, spouses move out, bills abound, children face an uncertain & lonely future. Every area of life is affected. 

PBS showed a program called "Children of Divorce" recently. It should have been called "Children of Grief." There were tears, questions, uncertainty, fears and stricken faces. I know. I remember the divorce of my parents.

" So", you say," tell me something hopeful, you're a counselor, you're supposed to give me hope." O.K. Here's the hope. If you are considering divorce, reconsider. So many couples have worked on their marriages and have been successful. Stories abound. Marriages are saved. Children are happier. Money is in the bank.

If you are going through a divorce, there is life on the other side. Talk to Christians who have gone through it. But maybe you should think it through again with the help of Jesus Christ, the Bible, pastors, counselors and friends. 

God can bring good out of divorce. But that doesn't make divorce a good thing. Ask a Divorce Care group. As with any trial, God is your helper, He has a plan for you and will help you grow through it. Isaiah 40:29 says, "He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak." It's not the end of the world. But it's probably harder to work out a divorce than work on a marriage. 

I recommend the following books as you consider  rebuilding your   relationship: Reconciliable Differences/With Study Guide by Jim  Talley or  Divorce Busting: A Revolutionary and Rapid Program for Staying Together by Michele Weiner-Davis or  Hope for the Separated: Wounded Marriages Can Be Healed by Gary Chapman.
 
Remember, you don't have to get a divorce!  But, you can get help and support to hang in there and work it out! 
Other books for those going through or after a divorce:
When the Vow Breaks: A Survival and Recovery Guide for Christians Facing Divorceby Joseph Warren Kniskern  
Growing Through Divorce by Jim Smoke and
Before You Remarry : A Guide to Successful Remarriage by H. Norman Wright.

Please contact AACC for a referral to a counseling professional in your area or get online counseling with CounselCare Connection.  
Get in touch with a Divorce Care support group near you or if you live near the Chicagoland area, attend the WillowCreek Community Church's Rebuilders program.  
© copyright 1999 by Lynette J. Hoy, NCC, LCPC

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